how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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