Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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