my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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