been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
