my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
