At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
