Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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