I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I pour the whiskey from now on
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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