I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
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