So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
