I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
