Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
