I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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