I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize