How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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