i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
