I showed him my bush... on skype.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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