hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
