Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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