I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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