Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
