Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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