This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
