Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
