No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
you made out with another girl for some wings
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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