coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
