just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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