Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
