i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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