My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
