I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
