brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
