Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
