May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Your shirt... Was in my pants
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize