Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
