fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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