A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
