I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
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I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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