I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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