after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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