The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
