She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
