Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize