sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
