just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
