I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
