Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
