i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
