How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
the condom got lost in my hair
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
