and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
