i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
