And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
