Is it because I queefed?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
