ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
