he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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