Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Boobs are out for the taking
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
