thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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