his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
