everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
