the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
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I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
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While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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