That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
