it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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