I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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