Fuck appropriateness.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
