i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
