If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize