just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
