Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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