areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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