haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
