wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
