party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
